300 YEAR OLD PIRATE GHOST HUSBAND SPOOKS BRIDE, SO IRISH WOMAN GETS DIVORCED
There’s not really an easy way to talk about this story without hearing the word “bullshit” over and over. I also need a strong drink. Maybe that’s because of the amazing ghost sex. Yes, ghost sex. So what happened? An allegedly mostly sober Irish woman claims to have married a 300 year old Pirate Ghost. But marriage is hard and takes a lot of work. Evidently, that is also especially true when your spouse is a ghost. I mean, really, those are some cold feet. And romance? Try spooky evenings, every single night. Just saying.
Read More: Girl Riding Cowboy on Boyfriend Stabs Him
IRISH BRIDE WORKS AS A JACK SPARROW IMPERSONATOR, NO REALLY
So her name is Amanda Sparrow Teague. Yes, Sparrow. As in, Jack Sparrow. Hey, a girl can dream. Well, and then marry a ghost. And, um, then divorce the ghost. So Amanda announced her new status on social media and said, “So I feel it’s time to let everyone know that my marriage is over. I will explain all in due course but for now all I want to say is be VERY careful when dabbling in spirituality, it’s not something to mess with.”
SEX LIFE IS A GHOST STORY NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR, EVER, ARGH
So Amanda actually works for a living as a Jack Sparrow impersonator. She says she married a Haitian pirate who was alive back in the 1700’s. According to the Irish Mirror, this old pirate got executed for “thieving.” So Amanda went out into international waters and had a shaman priest marry her to this pirate ghost. Bu no, his does not appear to be a legal marriage. How do you qualify ghost sex consummation, anyway? So what went wrong? Love is such a mystery, eh? I mean, love is such a mystery, aaaaarrrrgh.