Illegal sex comes in all guises and forms, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily legal or permissible.
Intrigued by our long-standing puritanical attitudes toward sex and old state laws on certain kinds of sex, I was enticed to delve deeper into how illegal the sex you’re having actually is. While knowing the legality of your sex might not make it extra kinky, adventurous or heartfelt, or spare you a visit to the clinker, it might make you think twice about the way you practice and consume your sex.
For instance, did you know it’s illegal to own more than six dildos in Texas (yes, I know: life sucks), to have an erection in public in South Dakota, and to have oral or anal sex in Pennsylvania? But fortunately necrophilia is legal in the state of Louisiana and trying it in Wisconsin wont get you in trouble. Yes, I am scurrying to book my flight to Wisconsin too…
Or how about this: prostitutes and their clients in Louisiana who are caught engaged in oral sex are routinely charged with “crimes against nature.” This raises the question: why are we so uncomfortable with nature? For example, why is it illegal for women to bear their breasts in so many states here in the U.S.? Are we that afraid of our latent sexual desires or what certain images, objects, body parts or acts mean and how we relate to such things? And if so, why? Is that to say sex, the objectification of it, or the participation of it between consenting adults ought to be a no-no? Why vilify something that ought to be natural and has been an ongoing part of human relations for thousands of years?
Nudity is allowed as long as genitals and female nipples are covered.
Adultery is illegal.
Adultery is illegal. And so is pretending to be married in order to share a hotel room.
It was illegal to swim naked in the Red River between 8 AM and 8 PM. (In Fargo.)
It’s against the law to fail to confine a dog or cat in heat. (In Grand Forks.)
No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person.
It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to engage in “acts, or simulated acts, of sexual intercourse, masturbation, sodomy, bestiality, oral copulation, flagellation, or any sexual acts which are otherwise prohibited by law.” So, no simulated intercourse or animal sex.
It’s illegal to lie down in a public restroom, or for two people to share a stall meant for one.
Oral and anal sex are illegal. You cannot cohabit with an “ancestor or descendant.”
If a man promises to marry a woman and she sleeps with him, the marriage must take place.