A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING? OR, I LOVE TO FIGHT WITH MY BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS?
What do you do when there is a big misunderstanding with your partner, your girlfriends or your boyfriends? Do you fight for your side or do you give in? I’m a fighter. I am articulate and always know how to put my emotions into words. This can be totally great, or it can steam-role and intimidate whoever I’m talking with. It can also mean that I stop listening and just talk and talk and talk. If there is a misunderstanding I might rush right past it, drawing all sorts of conclusions that maybe are superfluous and incorrect. But isn’t it my partner’s responsibility to defend himself and fight back? Why do I keep doing this with my boyfriends and girlfriends that I love?
IF YOU DON’T RESPOND IN TIME, TELL ME I’M WRONG, IT’S ON YOU
My current partner is sweet and sensitive, but he is a man, which means sometimes it takes him five minutes to respond to me. I have no idea what’s going on inside his head, but he must be sorting through his thoughts and feelings. That’s what I assume is happening. But when I make an assumption based on something he says, and my assumption is wrong, he doesn’t stop me and tell me I’m wrong.
WITH LOVE, SOMETIMES I CAN’T HELP BUT GO DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
I wish he would tell me no stop that’s wrong that’s not what I meant you got it all wrong. But deep down, really deep down, I think he thinks he is bad. I think he thinks he is unworthy or wrong or broken in some irreparable way. So when I misunderstand and start to assume he is some of those things, he doesn’t say wait no stop I’M A GOOD PERSON. He just lets me keep believing that he’s all those bad things.
WE NEED TO HELP EACH OTHER GROW UP, BUT WHERE TO START?
I wish he knew how good he was. So he would defend himself sometimes. But maybe I’m just a monster forcing him to become defensive. Maybe I need to stop needling and questioning. Maybe I need to also remember who he is and what I know of him. It’s hard to believe someone is good when they might not fully believe it themselves.