Redneck Houston Oil Man Lost His ‘Balls’ Kicking Momma Moose

Houston Man Kicks Momma Moose, Moose Kicks Man, Man Loses

IDIOT HOUSTON MAN KICKS MOOSE, LOSES INSTANTLY WHEN MOMMA MOOSE KICKS BACK

Sometimes getting involved in a pissing contest isn’t the best idea. In fact, it just might never be a good idea at all.  What’s the best thing that happens if you win?  Superior splashing?  Anyway, don’t be stupid when you run into wildlife.  If you suddenly find yourself face to face with something wild, back away and look non-threatening.  And if that wildlife happens to be a momma with a baby, that goes triple.  One man near Houston, Texas, went for superior splashing when he found himself face to face with a momma moose and her calf.  The unidentified man was walking on a trail and came upon the wild animals of a sudden. 

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But he didn’t back away or try to go around them.  He tried to intimidate them.  The Houston man kicked the momma moose!  The momma moose kicks man back.  Game over.  You’re toast.  Houston man loses.

MOOSE ARE LARGE CREATURES, SO IDIOT HOUSTON MAN WAS REALLY LUCKY

The initial report of the moose attack, as it were, came in at 10:15 one morning about a week ago.  The call was received by the emergency services of Mat-Su Borough.  Their deputy chief of emergency services, Ken Barkley, said, “It was a moose trampled [a person’s] foot.  Just got their foot.”  The moose left the area after playing power footsie.  But a spokesman for the state Department of Fish and Game, Ken March, said the injured man escaped what could have been major injuries.  The man did, after all, kick the moose first.  Marsh said, “It sounds like the moose were on a trail and in this case, it sounds like the guy was trying to go through them.  That’s never a good idea.”  That’s what I mean by avoid pissing contests!  You’ll always be downwind.  Splash.

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DON’T KICK A MOMMA MOOSE, BE SMART, AVOID MOOSE KICKS

But Texas is just the second largest state behind Alaska.  And Alaska has moose too.  That means moose attacks.  So far this spring in Alaska, one man was feeding a moose which then took a swing at him.  There was also a cocker spaniel in its yard in Anchorage, where a moose attacked it.  But there is cause for concern there.  The moose cows are preparing to calve in about six weeks.  So if you see a moose in Texas or in Alaska, give it some room.  Certainly, don’t kick the moose!  They have longer legs.  Moose kicks always win.  Splash.

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