MORE NICE THINGS PIZZA GUYS CAN DO
A pizza guy just drove 225 miles to deliver pizza to a terminal cancer patient, officially becoming a Good Person. He doesn’t have to stop there. Pizza guys are the subject of many people’s journeys through life, often as a subject of woe. They take forever to get to their destinations, and we all know why: the pizza delivery man isn’t being paid enough, so he takes a break to smoke weed in the car. Often enough the pizza isn’t damaged. But it’s still often outrageous to have to wait 90 minutes to have a pizza delivered to your doorstep.
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LOVE THE PIZZA DELIVERY MAN REGARDLESS?
Do I see the irony in complaining about the best food in the world magically appearing in my home? Nope. I do not. Anyway, the pizza guys of the world owe karma to everyone around them, and here are the various ways they could earn it.
DON’T SMOKE THAT MUCH WEED
Just get that pizza to us before this episode of Ozark is over. Please. I don’t want to have to see three more characters develop on an empty stomach.
GIVE US EXTRA RANCH!
Look, we know your boss said not to do it. We all were told by our bosses not to give extra ranch out at various points in different forms, whether it’s as tax breaks or insurance allowances or movie tickets. But the thing is that you gain absolutely nothing from keeping that ranch. Your bosses do, but they don’t help you out for doing so, so do the right thing and give us da ranch.
STOP WRECKING SO MANY MARRIAGES
Half of the porn in the 80’s was about pizza guys helping women to be unfaithful. And you know what- wait, now that I think about it, if those marriages were good, then the women wouldn’t have needed to cheat. You can have this one, pizza guys.