PUTIN WINS REELECTION, HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?
Can it really be called a “reelection” if everyone knew what the outcome would be? This “reporter” believes there was something fishy going on. I haven’t been a reporter long, but I have had eyes all my life. I have also had ears for most of it too. And with my eyes AND my ears I can clearly observe that something evil, something strange, something bad, is DEFINITELY going on in Russia. And not just because I keep receiving nefarious voicemails from “Unknown” callers who speak to me in a language I don’t understand in threatening tones. I think it is important that we all look into the details of this recent Russian “election” of Putin to try to determine what the hell ACTUALLY transpired there on Sunday.
#1 All of the ballots were exactly the same, which I suppose isn’t that abnormal, but the only name on it was DJ VPUTIN with a little box next to it where one was supposed to put a checkmark.
REELECTION AS IF BY MAGIC, AND I WAS WATCHING!
#2 The ballots, once filled out, were put into giant glass boxes that had trapdoor bottoms. Every so often the bottom would come out and ballots would suddenly appear form under the floorboards. Nobody seemed to notice this, which made it even more fishy! I know my eyes are working, don’t tell me they’re not!
#3 The other candidates who were running for president, including one Communist and one woman, miraculously had zero air-time on television and radio that day. Maybe they forgot that it is actually very important to be present in the media on the day of an election for which you are a candidate. I hope someone gives them that note so they can do better next time.
PUTIN MADE PUBLIC APPEARANCES IN THREE LOCATIONS AT THE SAME TIME, HOW?
#4 Putin appeared at his local polling station, in Hawaii getting a tan, and ice-fishing in Norway. How could he have been in all those places at once and how in the ‘eff did he look that dashing in each and every situation? It is truly amazing what he is capable of. But I guess if we all wanted to have what he has we would just simply have to acquire the majority of the planet’s wealth through the constant blackmailing of friends, family, and strangers until all of their wealth and connections were being used to help me. If we really wanted it, we would have it.
#5 It doesn’t seem like any Russians were blatantly coerced to vote the way they did (Putin won 65% of the vote). They all seemed to do it under their own free will as if they actually loved Putin honestly and truly. He has convinced them so well over the last sixteen years that now they believe they are acting of their own volition, when really, they are not.
WEIRD RIGHT???? WHAT THE HELL???