Google glass is in trouble without allowing users to produce better search results on porn productions. If necessity is the mother of invention, then masturbation must be the mother of necessity. Since the beginning of recorded time, man has been pushing the boundaries of technological and scientific invention, all in the name of finding newer, more innovative ways of jerking off.
As man has found the best ways of utilizing new technology, pornography, that bewitching muse, has been there every step of the way, whispering in his ear, shepherding him ever onward, ever upward to greater heights of innovation.
The news of no porn for Google Glass apps, called Glassware, spread far-and-wide in the tech community earlier this week and was best , an app development company that was kicked out of the Garden of Eden (Read: App Store) a few years ago for tempting users with magic fruit (Read: Porn apps). The company went on to find great success in the Android App store, raking in millions of dollars in revenue.
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MiKandi managed to get its hands on one of the early Google Glass releases and soon the smutty, little beavers at the company were hard at work building a Glass app, aptly titled, ‘Tits and Glass’. However, they soon had the proverbial bear-skin rug pulled out from underneath them, after Google’s existing app developer policies mysteriously changed to ban, “content that contains nudity, graphic sex acts, or sexually explicit material.”
MiKandi CEO Jesse Adams expressed surprise about Google’s no porn stance. In a recent blog post, he said the company was taking steps to, “make changes to the app in order to comply with the new policies.”
Industry analysts in technology have claimed that the decision from executives at Google to keep pornography away from Glass is an indication that Google is moving to become similar to Apple, which does not allow pornography in the App or iTunes stores.
But, this is different. Historically, pornography has been central to the full exploration of any new medium, and Google has introduced an entirely new medium. Glass is expected to change the way users interact with the real world. Augmented Reality could be boldly redefined by this new technology.
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Every time a new medium is created, established or discovered, man (or woman, for that matter) has been quick to adapt itfor masturbatory purposes. The reason is because sexuality, depicted through pornography, is the single best representation of the human condition. It is a unifier that crosses cultural, spiritual and historic boundaries. Among the earliest recorded signs of humanity are Paleolithic cave paintings, and the Moche of Peru sculpted orgies onto the sides of clay pots.
In the 21st century, SmugMug was the first photo-sharing website that made it possible to view and HD video to the web in 2007, but pornography websites had begun allowing users to view porn in HD, even prior to the advent of YouTube in 2005.
Even, the Dear Leader, and may single-handedly be responsible for building the one sector of industry in North Korea that is not currently failing.
To deny developers (artists, really) the opportunity to develop pornography based applications for Google Glass is to retard the march of progress and is a backhand across the face of Mother Necessity.
Whether or not Google is taking a moral stance in prohibiting pornography to grace the annals of the Glass app store, developers are in the habit of making money. In all seriousness, it is difficult to make the assumption that talented developers are simply motivated to peddle smut, simply for the sake of the craft.
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Where money exists, developers will follow. If Google will not allow pornographic content for Glassware, perhaps a competitor will come along in the near future who will, and in the end will be more successful as a result.
Joel Mazmanian is a freelance writer. Follow him on Twitter: @joelmazmanian
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