I wonder … what does the headline of a Grindr hookup for a gay servant in Buckingham Palace look like?
“Footman with a tassel fetish. Looking 4 date, hookups. Can host. Into marble, monarchies, Eminent Victorians a bonus.”
This will come is a shock to no one. But the Queen of England employes a great many gays to run her household. Or, more accurately, her households.
At Queen Elizabeth II’s official London residence, Buckingham Palace, there are more than 800 staff members. Just how many of those are gay? Unclear. But how many straight men are lining up to be servants, butlers, valets, footmen, equerries, hairdressers, polishers, livery men and pastry chefs? I mean, it must take an entire team of gays just to look after all those hats. Just take this virtual tour of the palace’s Blue Drawing Room; what straight man could have conceived that? That thing is one gilded frame away from being a Liberace wet dream.
Well, the downside of all that regal gayness? Where there’s gays, there’s gay sex. And dating apps like Grindr and Tinder are bringing too many overnight guests back to the staff quarters at the royal residences. According the Britain’s Daily Mail, a source from London’s Metropolitan Police said that, “There are real and serious security concerns at Buckingham Palace about members of staff use of dating apps such as Tinder, which can be rather sleazy.”
The source went on to say that these dating and hookup apps are “a security nightmare, especially in the current climate.” And that those that host the hookups often know very little about the background of their guests. Dai Davies, the former head of royal protection, said that the problem of overnight guests in palace accommodation was the “Achilles heel” of royal security.
Let’s be clear — no gays are trying to sneak out of the palace the next morning wearing their clothes from the night before, shuffling down the halls and accidentally running into the Queen in her bathrobe. Apparently, there are no overnight servants quarters in the palace itself, but rather on the royal grounds. Still, it’s all a little too close for comfort for palace security.
And concerns over royal security aren’t all that farfetched. Remember Michael Fagan? In 1982, he broke into Buckingham Palace and made it all the way to the Queen’s apartment, surprising the monarch as she lie in bed. On the other side of that coin, poor Prince Andrew. Last year, he was strolling the grounds of the Palace when he was mistaken for an intruder by police and held at gunpoint.
So, the next time you’re in London, cruise on down to Buckingham Palace, flip on Grindr and see what happens. It should light up like fireworks on the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee.
Brock Thompson is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.