DATING SUCKS UNTIL YOU REALIZE WHAT MATTERS, FOUR DATING TIPS:
Dating is the worst, everyone who would be a good match is taken. Until recently, this is what I believed. For a feminist women and progressive individuals, like myself, who believe in equality, but still have trouble behaving in ways that champion that belief system. Recently, I took a step back from my feelings and realized my dating apprehensions and realized I had the stress of keeping someone interested and seeming ‘fun’ enough. I’d drive myself crazy over my own theories and not what was happening on my date. I had failed to consider the most critical thing: What do I want out of all of this? Here are the four dating tips I made for myself.
TRY TO STOP TELLING YOURSELF DATING IS HARD, BECAUSE IT ISN’T
It’s no surprise that a negative outlook leads to a negative outcome. But it’s not quite as cut and dry or simplistic as that. When people talk about positive thinking, it’s not a mysterious attraction force. It’s that if you tell yourself that there’s nothing out there for you, your brain will miss seeing opportunities and connections that it could have recognized if you had told it to look for evidence that there are lots of options out there.
LOOK FOR REASONS TO CONTINUE SEEING SOMEONE, INSTEAD OF REASONS TO STOP SEEING THEM
We are so judgmental about the people we date. Constantly scanning for reasons to disqualify someone, but why? Looking for these deal-breakers can be a method of self-preservation, a way to spot future trouble. But heartbreak and sadness are a part of life and therefore a part of dating, so the risk is always there no matter what we do to find it. With constant worrying, you’re not preventing or saving yourself from anything. You’re actually just creating anxiety and sadness.
IMAGINE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU WANT, NOT THE PERSON YOU WANT
The biggest mistake I’ve make in dating is focusing on the kind of person I want to date rather than the kind of relationship I want to have. If you focus on finding someone who is sexy, smart and tall, with great hair, this tells you nothing about how this person will make an impression on you. How often do you want to see each other? Do you talk every day, do you want to? Do you eventually want to get married? We must allow ourselves to reflect on dates through that route, rather than seeing him or her as a bullet point item.
PRACTICE LIKING YOURSELF MORE
“The best thing you can do to improve your dating life is to work on improving your self-image. It’s not a simple matter of loving yourself first, you do need to at like yourself, though, or you won’t believe anyone can truly love you. If your brain is bullying you and telling you that you’re undesirable, make a list of things you like about yourself. Yes, it’s silly, but sometimes putting pen to paper is surprisingly effective, and the repetition can help cement what you know to be true.