OLF FART FLORIDA DONALD TRUMP FAN SLAMS GF TO GROUND, ARGUING ABOUT TRUMP IMPEACHMENT
So sometimes in life, you don’t have to work too hard to connect the dots. But that’s because sometimes, they’re all in a straight line. And there are so many of them, they are practically a line already! That certainly seems to be the case here. So if you just look at the headline, you probably already know how this story is gonna play out. But despite how we all seem to watch reality tv these days, you just can’t look away. So here goes! Police in Florida arrested an old fart (hey, he’s 62, that qualifies) for assault of his GF (girlfriend, you damn luddites!) because they were arguing about Trump.
WHITE OLD FART MEN SEEM PARTICULARLY VULNERABLE TO DONALD TRUMP PROGRAMMING
So in a perfect word, this story would end up being the inverse of all our presumptions. But alas, that straight line is totally in play here. The man, of course, is a Trump fan. The woman, of course, is a Trump skeptic. At least. But the 62-year-old Ernest Ford didn’t seem to know how to do just a few things. Let’s start with self-control. Then we can include knowing how to argue an effective position. And yes, that can be hard to do regarding Trump if you operate in contiguous reality (um, you know, you value facts). And then we can safely jump to the conclusion that his sense of identity empowerment by Donald Trump translated badly.
OLD FART LIVING IN AGED COMMUNITY SHOULDN’T THROW AGED GF TO THE GROUND, BECAUSE TRUMP
So how can we know this? Because the 5 foot, 10 inch, 272 pound Florida old fart grabbed his GF by the shoulders and threw her to the ground. You know, because nothing bad can happen to anyone you do that to. Especially not your 60-year-old GF. And you might assume that would be something the not earnest Ernest would have understood. But that’s because when police responded at the scene, they arrested him at their mobile home in a community just for people over the age of 55.
So police booked him into the Manatee County jail. He faces a misdemeanor battery charge. But clearly, Ernest needs his other battery charged. Because that’s what happens when Trump has grabbed millions by their lizard brain.