FLORIDA MAN BITTEN ON FACE BY COTTONMOUTH PET
Florida always wins when it comes to random stupid news. But Florida may always win when it comes to random stupid news. This time it’s the story of a Florida man who took a snake home as a pet. But this wasn’t just any snake. It was a 4-foot-long cottonmouth snake. That means venomous. That means stupid. But by man I mean barely a man. The 18-year-old man was Austin Hatfield from Wimauma. Evidently, he told his friends he liked the snake and decided to take it home as a pet. But since he didn’t have a permit to have the snake, Austin may get charged by authorities. That’s almost like getting bit twice.
CHARMER MAY BE CHARGED FOR POSSESSION OF VENOMOUS SNAKE WITHOUT A PERMIT
Robin Belcher, the mother of Austin’s best friend, Jason, told local media some of what she knew. “It was a cottonmouth snake, 4 foot, and he pulled it out of pillow case and laid it on his chest and it ended up striking him on the face.” So far, Austin hasn’t yet responded to any requests to comment. But to be fair, he is in critical condition at Tampa General Hospital. Members of his family evidently killed the snake and then brought it to the hospital. It’s still not clear if he’ll be charged. Cottonmouths are not friendly critters. But venomous snakes usually aren’t. Some may know the Cottonmouth by its other name, the water moccasin.
BOYS PLUS BOOZE PLUS VENOMOUS SNAKES EQUALS LOTSA BITES
The snake is common to the Southeast United States. Their bites are rarely deadly but they are incredibly painful. The venom targets your red blood cells. This causes an instant sensation of burning. This also causes rapid swelling and redness. If you’re snakebit and you don’t have proper treatment, the results could be permanent damage to your nerves, kidney and heart. Sounds lovely, right? Maybe don’t get fond of one of these snakes, take it home as a pet and then drop it on your chest. Seriously. But it isn’t just this Florida man, it seems. 3,500 people get snake bit every year, leading to up to four deaths. But 70% of these people are male, aged 16-25, and drinking alcohol. That’s some brutal math, there.