FLORIDA MAN STEALS $300 FROM WALMART ONE WEEK AFTER HE BOUGHT AN $8M ISLAND
Florida rules! No matter what other state tries to step up to the plate (say, Texas or the Carolinas), Florida always hits another grand slam. So yes, this is about a man in Florida and it makes no sense. But it’s beautiful. Ok. So there’s a man from Florida and his name is Andrew Lippi. Key West Police arrested him a week ago for the felony of grand theft of $300 to under $5,000. The 59-year-old Lippi allegedly stole $300.59 of stuff from a local Kmart. Among the things he stole were a Keurig coffee machine, a Hamilton Beach coffee machine, 8 light bulbs as well as a bed skirt. So what’s the big deal? The week before he bought an island for $8 million!
IDIOT MILLIONAIRE RETURNED HIS KMART BOXES WITH OTHER ITEMS INSIDE
So no, this isn’t just your run of the mill dumbass shoplifting or doing retail theft. This guy is loaded. So what’s the story here with this highly specialized dumbass? Well, Lippi bought all of those items. But then he returned all the original packaging, but with other items inside. So he returned them, but he didn’t return them. That’s theft. Dumbass. The Keurig box had a basketball inside. And the Hamilton beach coffee maker? Well, he put a coffee maker in the box. But it was a different, used one. So Lippi, of course, denies he stole anything.
IDIOT SAYS IT’S JUST A VERY COMPLICATED SITUATION, BUT HE’S INNOCENT
But the arresting officer gave details via his official report. He said, “I asked Lippi about the Keurig coffee machine being replaced by a basketball, and he stated the clerk should have realized there was no coffee machine by the weight of the box. I asked Lippi about the light bulbs, and he stated he returned the light bulbs because he paid too much money for them and did not know how they were switched.” Lippi, for his part, says the whole thing is just a “commercial dispute.” He also said, “It’s very complicated and I’d rather not get into it.”
So what about this island he bought the week before? It’s the Thompson Island, just off Key West. But here’s some more goodies on Lippi. He also owns the “Real World” resort compound from the MTV show’s 17th season! My bet is, Lippi was just shopping for his new island. Badly. But definitely, Kmart!