FIREFIGHTING GOATS PROTECT REAGAN PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY EVERY YEAR FROM WILDFIRES
So this is weird, yet totally normal. But what I mean by that is, it seems totally weird. Because it is. But it’s a totally normal occurrence. Goats help us fight fires. Really. Some of you are like, well of course they do! They’ve been doing it for centuries, in a lot of different countries! But others of you are like, say what? You’re probably in a big city, or on a cell phone so much you might as well be. But firefighting goats at this time of year head out to California’s Simi Valley to munch on the grounds near the Reagan Presidential Library. Why? Because California always has wildfires.
STARVED OF FEDERAL MONEY, FIREFIGHTING GOATS ARE KEY TO PROTECT CALIFORNIA
And Simi Valley, while an idyllic location for an historic building like the Reagan Library, is not immune to the threats of wildfires. If you care to hearken back in your mind a little bit, you’ll remember how EVERY YEAR there’s news of California wildfires destroying homes, killing people, and being overall disastrous. And firefighting goats help keep that to a more manageable disaster. But sure, it’s also a really political problem. Because a few recent American Presidents didn’t like giving so much federal money to California to prevent wildfires. And sure, it’s totally a coincidence that those presidents were all Republicans.
FIREFIGHTING GOATS CHOMP THEIR WAY TO CALIFORNIA’S WILDFIRE SAFETY, A BITE AT A TIME
Without any irony lost, they tell California, “Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires.” No, kind of really. But science tells us that wildfires are natural. They’re supposed to happen, because they help to renew the land and ecosystem. But we humans have changed things a bit. So in places like California, if you don’t clear out enough brush and other growth, you get wildfires that you can’t contain. Like, disaster level. So it took my funny bone a little twitch to see that every year, we send firefighting goats to help keep the Republican deity’s library safe. No, not Trump. Sigh. Reagan.
Trump requires a different type of firefighting goat altogether. The grab’em by the Billy Goat gruff, maybe.