London Fare Jumper Gets Junk Stuck on Turnstile

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London Fare Jumper Gets Junk Stuck on Turnstile

FARE JUMPER JUMPS, PENIS GETS STUCK MID-LEAP

Pay your fare.  Seriously, pay your damn fare.  In what can only be described as stupid is as stupid does, a man got his penis stuck while jumping over turnstile barriers in London’s Underground. A turnstile barrier cock-blocked the fare jumper, mid-air.  The junk out of the trunk scene was obviously a public one.  Just let that scenario play out in your minds, especially you x,y readers.  You are running.  Then you jump in the air.  Then one vital piece of your x,y identity stops.  The rest of you doesn’t.  Ah, now you understand!

LONDON CALLING, PLEASE SAVE MY TRAPPED JUNK

Shadenfreude is the joy someone finds someone else’s misfortune.  It also seems to be a big part of talk shows and reality TV.  But if you were taking the tube on this particular day and time, you would have found a live show.  There was one star and a number of bit (or is it bits?) roles.  The unidentified man (it had a mole on it?) needed the help of police officers as well as Transport for London workers to get free.  He was in considerable pain (you think?) and was in a very public, compromised position.

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ONLOOKERS RECORD PAINFUL TEAM RESCUE OF TURNSTILE TRAP

Many onlookers were sympathetic.  But not all of them!  Some of the shadenfreuders thought it was great fun.  A few of the Transport for London workers also thought it a good idea to take some video.  You know, for posterity and whatever else was in view.  One person named Mark Graves posted a clip to Facebook with the caption, “This guy tried to jump the gates and got his manhood stuck.”  The video shows us police officers holding the man’s legs as they tried to gently disengage the errant member.  Can you imagine?  I bet this pays his fare the rest of his life.  I certainly plan to.  But I can’t jump anymore anyway.

PAY YOUR TRANSIT FARE, OR THE COST WILL BE PAINFULLY LOW

Others in the crowd called out helpful tips like, “Get some butter, butter him up!”  But before too long, but an eternity for the stuck man, the man was freed from his protesting package perdition.  The freed man even gave an exuberant hug to one of his rescuers.  So pay your fare, folks!  The alternative could cost you an arm or a leg.  Or, at least, an honorary mention on the Darwin Awards.  Remember the Darwin Awards?

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