Oh, “New Girl.” I love you, but you’re bringing me down. Season three of what was once my must-see, most favorite, chicanery-laden primetime television show has been a major disappointment. And when an episode stars Prince as himself — that is, a beautiful, stately, sexually ambiguous Disney prince slash starfish — and can’t even hold my attention, nor my affection, you know that times have gotten dire. PRINCE, I say. The Kid himself!
It seems to me, old friends, that the “New Girl” of late has become either smug or just really comfortable with itself. I mean, it’s still fine; but now, it just looks lazy in comparison to “The Mindy Project,” which has basically been busting its ass to stay on the telly. And “New Girl” used to be a reliable good time! Weird friends, promised shenanigans, Winston not having a specific personality — those were all things I enjoyed! Ah the olden days, like, last year: I looked forward to sitting on my couch, pantsless, glass of Pinot in hand, cackling to myself as the gang got into increasingly ridiculous hijinks, my cat giving me a side-eye like, “No, girl, I didn’t sign up for this crazy cat lady shit.” Alas, no more (except the cat part; she still gives a mean side-eye).
Methinks I know why the show is in proverbial shambles — after the “will they, won’t they, they definitely will, it’s just a matter of time, OK let’s just do this now” drama, also known as the The Neverending Story of Nick and Jess, everything became about Nick and Jess, solely. Maybe the writers don’t care about writing for the other characters, because they’re just so sure that everyone wants to hear Nick and Jess profess their undying affection for each other at the end of every episode. I mean, we don’t. I can definitely say that I don’t need the two of them talking about how much they like or love each other and their respective private parts on every single episode. I like private parts too, but still. Like, Coach is back! And Damon Wayans, Jr. is a national treasure! If I have to suffer through Jessica Day and the increasingly twee Nick Miller, at least take Coach’s shirt off. Give me something to look forward to.
I was actually hoping that Sunday night’s very special Super Bowl episode was going to prove me wrong, and I wouldn’t have to write this, and I would have to eat crow, or maybe raven because right now I’m in Seattle, and there are a lot of them. But then, they had to drag Prince’s precious afro into their shenanigans — “New Girl” had the audacity to make Prince Jess’s “I love you” coach. Prince was literally tasked with helping Jess say to Nick that she loved him. He also gave her a really amazing makeover, complete with montage, but my god, it wasn’t even worth it. I know Prince specifically requested to have a role on an episode of “New Girl,” but I think maybe he could have done better than being Jess’s Dr. Drew, and then duetting with her yodel-y ass on stage.
It’s basically impossible for me to give up on a show outright — I have watched all episodes of “True Blood,” all episodes of “Misfits,” and all episodes of so many other terrible shows available on Hulu and Netflix because my time is not at all precious and I have no life. I think “New Girl” still gives good show. Its current problems aren’t so much infuriating as annoying. It’s not boiling my blood or anything. But unless the writers start paying attention to the characters that aren’t Nick and Jess, I can take it or leave it.