Engagement Rings and What They Say About You and Your Partner

JUST WHAT DOES YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING SAY ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER?

Engagement rings are pretty, duh. But they also project facts about who you are and what kind of life you either want, have, or are aspiring to. What does YOURS say about YOU? I feel bad for the partner stuck with the job of making the hardest guess of their life. But buying an engagement ring basically comes down to: how much of your life savings are you willing to throw away on a circle of metal and stone. If it’s a lot of money you are more likely to get something they can’t say no to. If it’s smaller you better know what they “want.” I may be cynical, but here is what your ring choice says to me:

1. The Huge Diamond: this ring is so big it makes your hand look like it might be crushed under the weight of it. This ring says: “My male partner has a small dick and doesn’t want anyone to know, but he also has access to a lot of money or a good loan guy.”

2. The Small Diamond: this ring is so small it sometimes is mistaken for a joke ring. This ring says: “My partner and I are actually in love and don’t need a ring to prove to the world that our love is real.”

My BF Hates Me when He is Hangry

3. The Non-Diamond: this ring might be a sapphire, ruby, opal (?) instead of a diamond. This ring says: “My partner knows I’m fucking cool and not basic, like, at all.”

4. The Vintage Ring: this ring comes from a cool vintage store and is one of a kind. This ring says: “I don’t want any other bitches to have the same ring as me, so I picked it myself at a fucking cool, unknown, vintage store.”

5. Ring Worn on the Right Hand: this is when they wear wedding-related rings on the wrong hand. This says: “We are European and don’t buy into your ‘American’ rules.”