England may not be so merry olde now that doctors are able to ask elderly patients ages 75-up if they’ll agree to sign ‘do not resuscitate’ orders.
According to a recent Daily Mail article, the British governments medical program now legally permits doctors to ask people when they reach age 75 if they want to kick the bucket, shuffle off this mortal coil, assume room temperature or sign a “do not resuscitate” order. In other words: “Hey, you old coot! Youre gonna die soon anyhow, so stop sitting around taking up space!”
Ill be 90 in just a few months, and no one has considered killing me lately. No such attempts have been made since a bunch of Japanese guys tried when I was in the Navy back in World War 2 and some other angry Asian guys a few years later during the Korean War.
The Bible says the normal lifespan is three score years and ten (or 70, if you’re not a Bible-readin’ man or woman). The considerate British lawmakers were so veddy, veddy kind to add another five. If I were in England now, their sawbones would compute that I was 15 years late in obeying the new edict. However, if they insisted, Id offer some more Biblical quotes and mention a really old guy named Methuselah. That sexy senior citizen begat all kinds of kids after he was way over centuries old. If he were still around today, he could be the perfect spokesprophet for Viagra.
Lets take a moment to consider the history of some elderly people who couldve been rubbed out at 75 and the world wouldve been a poorer place for it:
Ben Franklin was 81 when he helped write the Constitution in 1787.
Some show-biz greats were known for their longevity: Bob Hope was entertaining GIs at age 90, and George Burns performed in Las Vegas at 99. Marlene Dietrich also starred in Sin City until age 80.
Many are still going strong today. Betty White is 93 and continues acting in hit TV shows. Doris Day, 91, maintains her activism in animal rescue programs. Kirk Douglas, 99, stars in a current autobiographical stage and video documentary. Angela Lansbury, 89, recently won a Tony Award for her Broadway role in Noel Cowards “Blithe Spirit.”
Therefore, to all you British and other medical experts, I make a plea. Before you pull the plug, make sure your elderly patient doesnt have another decade or two to make your world a better one. And dont forget, if you let ’em live, youll be earning even more money from your overpriced medical bills.
Ted Sherman is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine. He will turn 90 on Aug. 8. Hes a U.S. Navy vet who served in World War II and the Korean War, and after a lifetime of writing for other people, hes now sharing his opinions with the world at large for various publications and on his blog 90 Is The New Black. Its a daily rant on current news, sports, health, travel, careers, entertainment, sports, relationships and, of course, problems of advanced age.