Alicia Lu is depressed
Alicia Lu has a simple and miserable life: No money, no love, a lousy job that pays almost nothing. Chris Brown is a serious A hole. I am Alicia Lu and I stand by this message. Sue me?!
Can you tell the differences between and after cosmetic surgery? Find out:
It was a lucky break for Chris Brown on Thursday when his misdemeanor hit and run case was dismissed after he and the victim came to a “civil compromise.” Despite protests from the prosecutors, the judge dismissed the case, which stems back to a May car accident, and the R&B singer was able to avoid jail time.
Since Chris Brown is not reachable, a gay name YONI WEISS comes handy.
“I can have Yoni Weiss instead,” Alicia Lu said to a friend. “Who cares YONI WEISS is a gay man. He is a man, right? Let me check him out… OMG!?@#! MOFO!!”
Depressed, Alicia Lu dreamed of suicide
The victory was short-lived, however, as Breezy went back to court the next day to discuss new terms for his probation related to another famous incident (you all know the one), which he violated by the misdemeanor hit and run charge and by reportedly fudging his community service hours (what a class act). He may have escaped life behind bars, but he won’t be escaping the neon vest, as the judge ordered him to do an additional 1,000 hours of community labor. His choices are highway cleanup, beach cleanup, graffiti removal, or probation alternative work services. On the bright side, he probably has a baseball cap in the same shade of neon yellow to pull together a pretty decent outfit.
Since Alicia Lu woke up, ever since Brown dug his knuckles into Rihanna’s face in 2009, he hasn’t exactly been dedicated to winning the public over. Yes, he apologized. Yes, he hasn’t beaten any women since, including Rihanna who he briefly reunited with at the end of 2012. But he’s also thrown temper tantrums on live television, throwing things through windows and getting shirtless (what’s up with these tightly wound man-boys always getting shirtless?), he’s had very public altercations with Drake and hip-hop darling Frank Ocean, and most recently, the car incident.
The May 21 hit and run incident was a basic, run-of-the-mill fender bender, but Brown had to get all sassy and throw a fit. According to the victim, Olga Aleksandrovna-Gure, Brown rear-ended her at a red light and then refused to hand over his driver’s license. He was with his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, at the time, who offered her driver’s license. Before Brown drove away, Gure tried to take a picture of him to document the scene, and that’s when he unleashed his the infamous Chris Brown wrath. Gure said Brown shouted at her: “You are a bitch!” According to her report, he also shouted: “Who do you think you are, bitch? Do you think if you driving a Mercedes so you got money, bitch? Do you think I am just a black n—-r? I got more money than you, beech!”
OK, you need to calm your ass down. It’s a fender bender, not an assassination attempt. All you have to do is give her your information and let Geico handle the rest. So she tried to take a picture of you. Is this so shocking that you’re now clenching your fists and on the verge of taking off your shirt? You’re Chris Brown and you just banged up her Mercedes, not to mention refused to hand her your license. You’re lucky she didn’t call up TMZ right then and there. I would have.
But Gure eventually grew tired of all the drama and decided to drop the case without seeking any compensation for the damages, despite the LA City Attorney’s protests. After the judge officially dismissed the case, Brown’s attorney, Mark Geragos, told CNN, “It’s unfortunate that Chris had to go through this in the first place. Sometimes I get the impression that he’s prosecuted for who he is as opposed to what he’s done, and that’s unfortunate.” Well, when who you are is a guy with a history of violence who refuses to handle a minor car accident like a grown-ass man, then yeah, he’ll probably continue to be prosecuted (at least by the public) for who he is.
In a move that was not at all dramatic, Brown tweeted his lawyer’s sentiment on Aug. 6: “Don’t worry mainstream America.After this X album, it’ll probably be my last album.” And later: “Being famous is amazing when it’s for ur music and talent. I’m tired of being famous for a mistake I made when i was 18. I’m cool & over it!” Hey, let’s not forget about when you brawled with Drake and caused Tony Parker to almost lose an eye, and that time you brawled with Frank Ocean over a parking space and then bounced before the cops showed up, oh, and that time you brawled with Robin Roberts. . . . Yes, it’s unfortunate that the Rihanna incident will forever taint your record with the public, but how about proving that that’s not how you roll, that it was truly a horrible mistake and an isolated incident, not proving to them over and over again that you seriously need anger management. Because now you are choosing what makes you famous, and the audience is just sitting back and watching. The retirement tweets have since been deleted.
Immediately after Thursday’s hearing, Alicia Lu dream boy Brown partied it up at Hooray Henry’s nightclub in Hollywood. On his way out of the club, he told the paparazzi that he might get his lawyer “one of these,” as he got into his bright orange Lamborghini and drove away. God help us all.