Cow Rapist Says Beast is Reincarnation of Dead Wife

Cow Rapist Says Beast is Reincarnation of Dead Wife

POLICE ARREST COW RAPIST MAN FOR ABUSING POOR BEAST, NO BULL

The Lone Star State is big enough to have all sorts of people.  But that is clearly not always a good thing.  Atascosa County Police arrested 34-year-old Rajiv Chowdhury.  But what for?  Well, most of us tenderize our steaks the old-fashioned way.  But Rajiv was tenderizing a living cow in a sexual way.  That makes him a cow rapist.  So who called police?  It was the ranch owner, Ted Bukowski.  He caught Rajiv in the act, sexing the poor beast.  But if this isn’t strange or disturbing enough, what Rajiv told Ted is even more so.  He said that the cow was the reincarnation of his dead wife.  Do we call bullshit on that, or what?

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COW RAPIST SAYS COW IS REINCARNATION OF DEAD WIFE, SMELLED LIKE HER

So something had disturbed the cows. That’s why Ted came out to see what was going on.  He had assumed it was coyotes bothering his herd.  But imagine his surprise to find a naked man in situ going all cow patty.  Bukowski told media, “He asked me not to shoot. He told me he wouldn’t do it again if I didn’t call the police. He said the cow was the reincarnation of his wife, and when I asked him what the hell he was talking about, he said the cow had the same eyes, smell, and taste than his deceased wife.”  According to reporters, Bukowski seemed pretty amused.  Then he continued, “I don’t know what those Hindus preach at church, but that sure sounds to me like the church of the Devil.”

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But others say not to be too quick to rush to judgement.  Janet Fitzgerald is Professor of Religious studies at the University of Houston.  She believes that we need to understand this sex act in context to the cultural and religious beliefs of Hinduism.  She thinks it’s entirely possible Rajiv really believes the cow is his wife returned.  His wife passed away last year.  She said, “In Hinduism, sex with animals is not an uncommon theme and many of their deities share half-human, half-animal features.”  But like in most places, bestiality is against the law in the state of Texas.  Well, ok, only since 2017.  That’s a different conversation.  Loving your beast was legal in Texas until just last year.

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