DONALD TRUMP TESTS POSITIVE, AS THE DAPPER DON BECOMES THE COVID DON
So irony decided it was tired of taking a beating, and so went directly to the White House. Does that sound harsh? Well, maybe so. But if you are related to any of the over 200,000 Americans who have died of Covid, I doubt you think so. Donald Trump, formerly the Dapper Don, has tested positive for Coronavirus. Now, he’s Covid Don. Well, if he wasn’t already, wearing a shroud of shame for what’s happened with this pandemic on his watch. Just after 1 AM on Thursday night, my phone started blowing up. I imagine millions of phones started blowing up. Because Donald Trump announced, via a tweet no less, that he had Covid.
COVID DON HATES WEARING MASKS, AND HATES PEOPLE NEAR HIM TO, TOO
So how did this happen? Well, I’d have to imagine it’s because Donald Trump hats wearing a mask. But even more, he hates people around them to wear them, too. And the science is clear. If you wear a mask, you are a hell of a lot safer from Covid, especially if you are near other people. Like, your wife, who also has Covid. That’s right, Melania too. But the chairwoman of the RNC, Covid Don’s close advisee, and other white house staff as well. So what does that mean? It means most of the people in the Trump Administration are at serious risk. That mean, the Executive Office in the United States isn’t working properly.
COVID DON IS SERIOUSLY AT RISK, HE’S OLD, FAT, AND TECHNICALLY A MAN
Vladimir Putin must be breaking his ribs, he’s laughing so hard. So what about the election? Who the hell knows? Trump is in quarantine for two weeks. But Covid Don is 74 years old. He’s white. And, he’s fat. Those are the worst combination of traits for a man who has Coronavirus. That’s the demographic that has an incredibly high fatality rate. And as much as irony has now left the barn door open, it’s not good to have the American President get really sick. But we can only wait and see. But so will all the rich Republican donors who hung out with Trump earlier Thursday night, right before he tested positive. They didn’t wear masks either.