50-YEAR-OLD CONSTIPATED CHINESE IDIOT TAKES DESPERATE 1 FOOT EGGPLANT MEASURE CURE
Constipation is no fun at all. I don’t think I’ve really been constipated since I was a kid. I’m not sure what I would do if it lasted a long time. A few hours of constipation can feel like a long time! But what about two whole days? That might make you go a little crazy. That might explain what one 50-year-old man in China did after he suffered was severely constipated for two days. What did he do? He shoved a simply humungous eggplant up his ass, hoping to fix his constipation. But did it? No. But this guy was a glutton for punishment. This aubergine was 1 foot long.
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AUBERGINE, AKA EGGPLANT, IS NOT EVER AN UP-THE-ASS CONSTIPATION CURE
There doesn’t seem to be any reference, anywhere, that shoving an eggplant up your ass will help with constipation. It certainly didn’t help this poor fool. Not only did it not help, after he shoved it in he felt worse. A lot worse. He suddenly had more pain and severe discomfort. But he suffered those extra ill effects for two more long, excruciating days before he went to the hospital. He spent those two days with horrible nausea and vomiting. Ugh! I’m hoping I would have been a little smarter and gone straight to the doctor on day 1. Day 1, of course, meaning before I shoved anything huge up my ass like a 1 foot eggplant.
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EGGPLANT SO DEEP IT DAMAGED A LUNG, REQUIRED SURGICAL REMOVAL
At the hospital, doctors immediately ran an x-ray to see what kind of damage they had to treat. The images shocked the doctors when they saw them. The eggplant was so far up in there that it had started to damage one of the man’s lungs! So the man had to have surgery to remove the vegetable and fix the damage. Fortunately, the doctors successfully removed the damaging blockade and fixed the damage before it got any worse. So, we’ve all heard of laxatives, right? Right? If you’re constipated, take laxatives. Don’t learn how to spell aubergine at the hospital.