Columbia Tells Citizens to Wank During Pandemic Lockdown

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Columbia Tells Citizens to Wank During Pandemic Lockdown

GOVERNMENT OF COLUMBIA TELLS CITIZENS TO STAY HOME AND WANK, OR MASTURBATE FOR SQUARES

Ah, for some honesty.  What I’d give these days for some honesty.  Well, sure, we have some honesty here in the United States.  But that’s like saying you’ve got water in muddy water.  And here?  We’ve got so much mud in the water, it’s killing people.  Well, that’s literally and figuratively true.  But speaking of figures, America’s government is fucking over its citizens.  But that’s not happening in every country.  Even the world’s supplier of cocaine, Columbia, is doing a better job with the pandemic and lockdown.  So much so, in fact, that they are even telling Columbians to stay home and wank to be safe!

Read More: Villagers in India Forced Into 2-Week Coronavirus Quarantine, In Trees

COLUMBIA ALSO REMINDS US TO SANITIZE THOSE SEX TOYS PROPERLY, TOO

Wank, you say?  Well, to masturbate, of course!  The Columbian health ministry wants people to stay in isolation and remain infection free during the pandemic lockdown.  But people like to have sex.  But if you aren’t in lockdown with your partner, you only really have two options.  One, go out and expose yourself.  Yes, that too.  Or, stay at home and wank it out.  Wink, wink.  But Columbia isn’t being prudish.  Not one bit.  They’re telling their people to also diligently clean their sex toys, too.  Can you imagine that coming out of the White House in the United States?  That would be enough to grab you by the…. chin.  Yes, the chin is what I’m thinking.

Related:

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IF YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, STAY THAT WAY, RUB IT OUT TO BE SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE

So take this word from Columbia to heart folks.  To stop the spread of this pandemic, don’t go looking for any other kind of spread if it’s not already locked down with you.  Sure, most Coronaviruses aren’t easily transmittable thru sex.  But kissing?  Skin on skin?  Breathing the same air?  It’s hard not to do those things while you’re having sex.  And no, let’s not spend too much time thinking about how to get around those…  Instead?  Get it on with your special lockdown someone.  Or, rub one out.  Call it socially responsible wanking.

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