Technology keeps marching on. From the invention of wheel to the farm till, the printing press, computers and smartphones, we’ve got a heck of a lot of road behind us and plenty of road to come. And if the all-purpose smartphone is too much to carry around for the digitally spoiled among us now, don’t fret too much because you just might be wearing your tablet or mobile device on your skin in the near future.
A group of “designers” in Paris are hot to get the Cicret Bracelet out of the development phase and onto your wrist. (Of course, this could all be a hoax. The online debate rages on, still, it’s an interesting concept.) The wristband, if it did exist, would project your mobile device onto your skin, letting you call friends, play games, Google yourself or do anything else you would do on a smartphone screen right on your wrist.
While the bracelet isn’t a reality yet (Cicret is still crowdfunding), it could be coming to wrists and arms in your neck of the woods fairly soon. While the geek in me likes the tech, I do have a few practical questions and issue with a touchscreen device on human skin. What if the wearer is a really hairy dude? It would be hard to watch a video or check a weather app through a forest of hair. Maybe the company can sell a combo bracelet/depilation kit. Or maybe a small laser emitting from the wristband can trim all of that gorilla fuzz for you?
Of course, the moment I saw the company’s promotional video and understood that the band will be waterproof, I wondered about the practicalities of wearing a digital device on a wrist that a lot of folks would normally use, well, to pleasure themselves while viewing a certain kind of stimulating media on a more traditional smartphone or tablet?
Since human beings have been drawing pictures on cave walls, we’ve been producing a fair amount of erotic entertainment, regardless of the technological advances behind the media we watch it on. Anyone who has spent more than 10 seconds on the Internet knows this to be true. I seriously doubt this product will be an exception to the rule.
Someone wearing the bracelet while petting the lizard or buttering their biscuit might have to figure out how to do the deed with his or her weaker hand, in order to keep the digitally enhanced wrist at eye level. I suppose it’s a good way to learn how to become more ambidextrous, if nothing else. And if you choose to don the smartphone on the same wrist when helping you reach a state of momentary euphoria, your eyes might start to ache as you follow the bouncy screen on your skin up and down, which could lead to some serious headaches. I’d like to hear those calls to customer service:
Service Representative: “Sir, please state you problem with our most awesome product.”
Customer: “It’s giving me headaches.”
Service Representative: “How so?”
Customer: “It’s moving too fast.”
Service Representative: “Stop masturbating while wearing the wristband.”
Customer: “I’m not … wait … how did you … sorry, got to go.”
Although I jest, I’d be willing to bet a bit of green that if and when this product comes to market, a ton of people will love it, but problems like the ones I’ve described above might not be all that farfetched either. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t buy one — but at least I’ll know what I’m getting into.