When the host of Travel Channel’s “Bizarre Foods” Andrew Zimmern eats at the ballpark, then why not?
If the chef and television personality inking a deal to open a brick-and-mortar version of his AZ Canteen food truck at the Minnesota Twins’ Target Field gets your mouth watering for serious ballpark eats, these gross food concoctions that debuted in 2015 should be an absolute home run … unless you would prefer the actual bizarre foods Zimmern eats on the show, like a shot glass full of snake bile or the entrails of various animals?
In honor of the 2015 MLB season opening April 5, here are the 10 grossest and most calorie-packed options at Major League stadiums around the country. Some stadiums are lucky — or gastronomically creative enough — to fill fans stomachs twice over and are listed more than once. So enjoy, but I don’t recommend going back for seconds.
1. PNC PARK BRUNCH BURGER (PITTSBURGH PIRATES)
With brunch so popular in cool and hip coastal cities, good ole’ Steel City needed to get in the mix, and this burger is the best (or worst) of both. It is a cheeseburger — cheddar, of course — topped with a fried egg and bacon between a glazed donut serving as the bun. Yum!
2. SOUTHWEST PORK MAC & CHEESE WAFFLE (DETROIT TIGERS)
This culinary creation combines cheese, waffles and pork, so what’s not to like? Except the waffle serves as the container for this not-necessary combo of barbecue pulled pork topped with mac & cheese. Good luck at your next doctor’s visit. She surely will have bad news about your cholesterol. Just don’t tell you have been eating at the ballpark.
3. CHICKEN FRIED BACON ON A STICK (TEXAS RANGERS)
It should come as no surprise that Texans love fried foods. But wait, isn’t bacon usually fried anyway? This chicken fried bacon on a stick is among other edible creations inspired by state-fair foods at a concession stand called, appropriately, “State Fare.” Although your stomach might not think your choices are so fair when you run to the bathroom in the top of the second after wolfing down one of these.
4. NACHOS ON A STICK (MILWAUKEE BREWERS)
Another state fair-inspired gut-buster no doubt — Wisconsinites just love cheese and cannot seem to get enough of the melting stuff — this stick dubbed “Inside the Park” combines ground beef, refried beans and crushed Doritos. Then the whole thing is deep fried and served with nacho cheese, sour cream and red salsa. Sounds delish, just please don’t call it Mexican food. This is as American-made as it gets.
5. CHICKEN WAFFLE CONE (HOUSTON ASTROS)
Now we’re getting really weird … or gross depending on the opinion. Like fried chicken fingers with mashed potatoes and topped with honey mustard? Good, then how about the entire meal stuffed in a waffle cone? Plus now it is portable, so you can cheer wildly for the last-place team while still stuffing your face. Houston fans need some reason to get to the park this season, and it won’t likely be the Astros.
6. S’MORES COVERED BACON (NEW YORK METS)
As Mets fans have had little to celebrate on-field in recent years, maybe this culinary concoction will bring some sweetness back into their lives. Although the center is made of savory bacon, it is not unlike many Mets’ seasons, where by the end, all the team’s fans are left with is a salty taste and an extreme thirst for wins.
7. PULLED PORK PARFAIT (MILWAUKEE BREWERS)
Nice work! RT @xxCRYSTALx: In the name of @MillerParkPork we pray… blessed be thy hallowed meat parfait! pic.twitter.com/BmCXb7gO
— Pulled Pork Parfait (@MillerParkPork) May 3, 2012
Is there something in the water in Milwaukee to inspire such an abdomen-crushing abomination? I’m starting to think there might be. This item, coined the Porkfait, layers pulled pork, mashed potatoes and gravy like a sundae and serves the whole thing in a soda fountain-style milkshake glass.
8. TRIPLE-TRIPLE WAYBACK BURGER (PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES)
Like Philly fans need another reason to raise their blood pressure and nearly have a heart attack, this “sandwich” — if your mouth is a foot from top to bottom — is nine patties and nine slices of cheese. Well, at least they got the numerology right: nine innings, nine players to a side. And it is topped with lettuce and tomatoes, so you can get some veggies and the team’s color in there also.
9. CHICKEN FRIED CORN ON THE COB (TEXAS RANGERS)
If it is still surprising to you that Texans like fried food, you are clearly not someone who has yet to mess with Texas. Question: How does the Lone Star State make another wholesome favorite greasy and Texas-fied? Answer: Deep fry it!
10. CHURRO DOG (ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS)
ICYMI (though we’re not sure how), the Churro Dog is kind of a hit: http://t.co/qAu4MR7QEm pic.twitter.com/kPcuMrMSAZ — Arizona Diamondbacks (@Dbacks) March 5, 2015
People already love this sweet Mexican favorite, so why not stuff one into a hot dog bun and then top with ice cream, whipped cream and chocolate syrup? Overseas, ice cream is often eaten in bun form, but yikes, the dentist bills might be kind of high!
Noah Zuss is a reporter for TheBlot Magazine.
