Burglar Burgles, Drops Loaf, Does not Flush, Gets Busted

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Burglar Burgles, Drops Loaf, Doesn’t Flush, Gets BustedIF YOU WANT CRIME TO PAY, FLUSH.  FLUSH TWICE

If you want to get into the burglary profession, this should not be a primer.  Police often rant (officially and not) about just how mind-numbingly stupid people can be as they commit crimes that practically guarantees their arrest.  But for California’s David Jensen, 42, this sets the bar even lower.  Jensen committed burglary this past July, hit the victim’s john and dropped a loaf.  But then he doesn’t flush the toilet and leaves his DNA to be found to identify him. Busted!

TOO MUCH FIBRE, BUT NOT THE MORAL KIND

Police at the scene used their nose to track down the suspect after finding fecal matter in the toilet which they then had tested for DNA.  The sample then went up the chain to the Ventura County Sheriff’s Office Forensic Services Bureau where it was processed.  Then it was submitted to the Combined DNA Information System to find a match with a known suspect.

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POLICE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF BOWEL MOVEMENT

The old adage, don’t shit where you sleep maybe should be remembered as, don’t shit where anyone else sleeps, either.  The good old days when burglars and vandals could smear their shit all over walls and generally make their victims feel more violated might not be over, but at least now they’re much more likely to be caught.

“Most people don’t assume or don’t know that DNA can be obtained by other things besides hair and saliva,” Ventura County Sheriff’s Office Detective Tim Lohman told the Blot.” We look for any type of evidence that might be left behind. Whether it’s a smoked cigarette or a can that may be left behind, we will analyze it.”

More:

Grandson Jerker Steals Grandma’s Security Camera to Hide Masturbation

Police got a DNA match on July 25 for Jensen, who they tracked down to his home in nearby Ventura. He was arrested three days later on suspicion of first-degree residential burglary, a felony, according to the Associated Press. His bail was set at $180,000.

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