OVER 750,000,000 UNUSED ALBANIAN COLD WAR BUNKERS TURNED INTO VIRGINITY LOSS CENTERS
It’s pretty interesting to be in the year 2026, and find I have even less of a clue than I thought I did when it comes to former Soviet satellite states like Albania. Especially since I’ve known and worked with at least a dozen Albanians in the last 20 years. But to be fair, I never instantly thought about the kidnapping, Albanian gangsters from the Taken movie franchise when meeting or speaking with someone from there. And now I really wish I could have asked any and all of them this question: did you lose your virginity in one of the 750,000 bunkers that were never used for war, and were they really virginity loss centers?
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LITERALLY EVERY ALBANIAN FOR 70 YEARS GREW UP SURROUNDED BY BUNKERS
I mean, hey, it’s a wordy question. But just a few answers would include a host about each person answering, where they grew up and their old communities. Because as an American, I can’t say I ever went to watch submarine races, though I did totally do some “parking” back in the day. But when it comes, as it were, to all those Albanian bunkers, there’s got to be some amazing slang for losing your virginity, almost losing your virginity and who knows what else. I mean, come on! We’re talking about 750,000 of them across the whole country. Literally every Albanian grew up with these all around them.
Related:
ALBANIAN CHILDREN WERE TRAINED TO RUN TO BUNKERS TO REPEL INDAVERS
They were built by Enver Hoxha, who was a Stalinist dictator who had a full dose of the era’s Cold War paranoia and fully expected an invasion. And we’re talking paranoid, the kind that forces the construction of 750,000 bunkers from the 1960s to the 1980s. That’s 5.7 bunkers for every Albanian square kilometer. If the United States had done the same, it would have translated into over 56,000,000 bunkers! Albanian children were trained, for years, to run to the bunkers if there was an invasion, and how to attack paratroopers. But the inevitable invasion never happened, and instead kids ran to these virginity loss centers to get their bunker busting on.
I can’t wait to talk to any of my old Albanian friends again.
