Let’s face it: you have a smaller-than-average gun and you are shy about that. Not in Brookly, New York. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When genetics gifts you with a three-inch penis, you step into a sheer thong and compete for a cash prize in Bushwick, Brooklyn.
Those in search of a highbrow activity for Father’s Day weekend, look no further than Saturday’s at Kings County Bar. Come for the yearly meeting of the minds and packages, and stay to help illustrate the philosophical belief that small is indeed beautiful.
Inclusive in nature, the contest practices an open admission policy for any guy who’d like bragging rights and interesting Google search results for the rest of his virile life. Whoever applies, however, better get ready to wow the judges in talent, evening wear and swimsuit competitions.
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To get a taste of what is to come, last year, contestants stunned in matching tuxedo thong hammocks and masks for the evening-wear portion. Then they delighted audience members with randy strip teases and dances for the talent portion, only to outdo themselves once again by donning white thongs that were then drenched from water guns for the swimsuit segment.
Lest you think this whole charade leaves its participants feeling deflated (in more one way than one), last year’s winner, Nick Gilronan, told Gothamist that he’s not only proud of his win, but hopes the title will help men with “self esteem issues” feel better about themselves.
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Self-esteem issue solves aside, whomever takes home the crown and magnifying-glass scepter this year scores $200 and a date with two “gorgeous sisters” who don’t judge. Giddyup!
Melissa Noble is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.
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