QUEEN ROCK STAR GUITARIST BRIAN MAY TEARS HIS OWN ASS JUST BY GARDENING
So I like the band, Queen. They rocked and clearly still do. But aging ain’t easy on anybody, which I am slowly learning myself. But this wasn’t one of the things I thought I had to worry myself with. Tearing my ass. And no, not a new one. I mean, tearing my ass literally, where your gluteus maximus is in shreds. Ouch. No, don’t touch me there! Because that’s exactly what the former Queen rock star did to himself. How? Gardening. Yes! Something else to fear as I age. Thanks, Brian!
YOU’D LIKE TO ASSUME THAT TEARING YOUR OWN ASS WOULD BE HARD TO DO, BUTT
So how did this happen? Yes, gardening. But how the hell do you tear one’s own ass in the garden? Weed, vehemently? No, not that kind of weed. Sigh. Well, the Queen guitarist did his best to explain. As he should. He said, “I managed to rip my Gluteus Maximus to shreds in a moment of over-enthusiastic gardening.” You think? Medical staff had to run tests just to see how badly he wrecked his ass. I mean, who tears their own ass? Well, this guitarist and astrophysicist, is who. And yes, that last bit is true. Brian May is one interesting dude.
ASS TEARING INJURY LEAVES AGING ROCKER UNABLE TO WALK, OR SLEEP WITHOUT PAIN MANAGEMENT
But for now, he’s an interesting dude whose ass tearing is pretty damn thorough. Not only can he not walk for a bit of time, he can barely sleep. Well, unless he pulls some of the more efficient weeds as painkillers, anyway. I didn’t know a torn ass could hurt that much. But I’m sure when the doctors hand him the images of his own ass, we’ll likely end up hearing more about it. You know, when this is all behind us. And him. So I still think this is all a big mystery. And yes, I have a garden. Maybe I should put it in my arrears. Yes, a dirty joke.