IN WAKE OF BREXIT, ENGLAND FACES NEW PROBLEM, AND IT’S ZOMBIE PIGEONS
England has had all sorts of problems lately. Who hasn’t? But not every country of imperial stature has had the paroxysms of international embarrassment that England has. Just how many Prime Ministers can you have in one year, anyway? But a lot of that is all about the Brexit, Brexit, Brexit. But now, England has a new problem, and it’s all nature, no nurture to be seen anywhere. And this problem is a doozie. Zombie Pigeons! Well, not literally undead zombie pigeons. But pretty scary nonetheless. But just like real life fictional zombies, this has to do with an infectioUs disease, paramyxovirus.
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ZOMBIE PIGEON DISEASE IS INSANELY INFECTIOUS, MAKING EVERY BIRD A CARRIER PIGEON
Paramyxovirus is also known as PPMV or Newcastle’s Disease. And no, you can’t get that from a beer. But paramyxovirus spreads fast. And it causes some crazy neurological symptoms, like a violently twisted neck and trembling wings. And that, my dears, looks a lot like a zombie pigeon problem. The poor zombie pigeons lose weight, fast. Their poo is a weird green, and they walk around in circles or barely want to move. Actually, come to think of it, that sounds a lot like the political scene in England, too. Fortunately, paramyxovirus doesn’t affect humans. Not yet, anyway.
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ZOMBIE PIGEONS CAN GIVE HUMANS PINK EYE, MAKING US LOOK LIKE ZOMBIES AT A MINIMUM
But it can give humans conjunctivitis if they come into direct contact with zombie pigeons. So don’t feed the pigeons! So far, zombie pigeons have been sighted in Jersey. Some, but not enough surely, have already been euthanized. Paramyxovirus spreads fast. Even though the infected zombie pigeons don’t tend to live more than a few days, it’s more than enough time to infect others. Just imagine the scene at any town square with thousands of pigeons, spreading green poo everywhere, walking in circles with crazy wings twitching, and dying en masse!
Hopefully, this zombie pigeon problem will be short lived. Wait, that’s not right. Hopefully, this zombie pigeon problem won’t get out of control. I guess we’ll have to see where we are in 28 Days?
