MAN LANDS IN SPAIN FROM BOGOTA, BUSTED WITH 1/2 KILO OF COKE UNDER HORRIBLE TOUPEE
I really, really miss Miami Vice. But even when Michael Mann plugged in a funny episode, he never did anything like this. I mean, look at that picture! It’s the kind of thing you would never expect to be real. So I’ll have to admit here and now that I’m bald. But I don’t believe in plugs, rugs, or anything else. Certainly never a toupee. Never, ever. This makes that sentiment even easier, if that was even possible. So yes, the headline is a giveaway. But the details… A man flying in from Bogota and arriving at Spain’s Barcelona International Airport did a horrible job as a smuggler. Authorities detained the man after they discovered ½ a kilo of coke under his toupee.
IF YOU’RE GONNA BE A MULE, DON’T SMUGGLE COCAINE UNDER A TOUPEE A CONEHEAD WOULD NEVER WEAR
No, not coke classic. Cocaine! Nose candy, the quick pick me upper, the white lady… the bane of Wall Street. So what happened? Well, this poor smuggling sap got off his plane and did not walk the walk of confidence. If you’re a smuggler, confidence is a huge part of the game. Well, confidence and nonchalance. But police thought something might be going on when they spotted this guy. First, he looked totally nervous. Second, he had a stupid large toupee on his head. Plus, a hat on top of that.
MAYBE THIS GUY WAS SACRIFICED AS A JOKE BY THE CARTELS? OR HAS HE GOTTEN THRU BEFORE?
I mean, seriously. Is the cartel holding someone hostage? Because clearly this guy knew the situation was not good. He just couldn’t fake it. I mean, look at that. Even Donald’s Orangutan situation is better than that. The police released a rather tongue-in-cheek statement, saying, “There is no limit to the inventiveness of drug traffickers trying to mock controls.” Mock? Right. But more like a sacrificial lamb. Someone back in Columbia is laughing their ass off right now. But clearly, they’d be laughing harder if this toupee mule had made it past security. Half a kilo? That’s a good price for a joke. The cocaine trade from Columbia is about $10 billion a year.