What Is Ballmaxxing? Besides Stupid, Possibly Life Ending

WHAT IS THIS TOTALLY STUPID BALLMAXXING FAD AND WHY COULD IT END YOUR LIFE?

One of the appalling things about aging is no matter how much I inevitably feel increasingly jaded, there’s always that next thing that makes me dust off my halo and feel like a closeted innocent. And while this is sort of another one of those for me, the halo didn’t get much polishing because this new thing is so stupid, it could easily climb high up on the Darwin Awards chart. So what is the new thing? Ballmaxxing. And what the hell is that? Oh, nothing less than yet another micro-viral social media fad that has convinced some men that to be truly manly, you need to have the largest balls, testicles, nutsack or whatever your favorite term is. The only problem, besides being a tailor’s nightmare? Doing this could be life ending.

BALLMAXXING IS THE IDEA THAT INJECTING MYSTERY FLUIDS TO MAKE YOUR BALLS HUGE MAKES YOU A MAN

So yes, Ballmaxxing is all about getting absolutely huge testicles. So how does one go about doing that? It certainly isn’t old-school steroids, which shrink them to the size of raisins. To get really big balls, not-manly-enough-men are injecting various fluids to bulk them up. And that’s what I mean by supid-is-as stupid-PLEASE-GOD-DON’T-DO-THAT! Personally, the idea of sticking a needle into my scrotum is an absolute non-starter for me. But then using that needle to inject fluid into my scrotum just makes me twitch. Well, and cross my legs uncomfortably. But some men are indeed not only doing this, they’re buying DIY kits to do it to themselves.

Dildos Thrown On WNBA Courts a Stupid MemeCoin Marketing Ploy

OBVIOUS TO MOST, BALLMAXXING COULD BE TOXIC, WRECK YOUR BALLS, END YOUR LIFE

And no, Ballmaxxing kits you buy online to inject fluid into your scrotum aren’t exactly monitored for health safety. Also no? You don’t really know what the hell it is that you are injecting into your scrotum. And let’s face it, the history of people injecting anything they don’t absolutely know is safe into their bodies all too often has been life ending. But the scrotum itself? Well, it’s a little sensitive down there for one. The testicles are in there, along with a lot of blood vessels and a LOT of nerves. Plus, they’re simply not build to be filled with extra fluids of any kind. Sticking a needle in down there could cause permanent damage, dangerous infection, or even sepsis. And all of that goes DOUBLE if the stuff being injected isn’t sterile or is poisonous.

So if you were thinking of trying Ballmaxxing, maybe think again.