ALABAMA UPHOLDS 30 YEAR BAN ON YOGA, AS IT TURNS KIDS TO HINDUISM
So do you remember that time you were doing yoga, and suddenly wanted to convert to Hinduism? You know, when you weren’t so distracted by how one side of your body was stronger than the other? When you managed not to lose control in a stretch and fart really loud in the silence? Yeah, me neither. But in Alabama, they’ve had a ban on practicing yoga in schools since 1993. Yes, nearly 30 years. Because they think our kids will suddenly want to change religions. Because, Ooohhhhm. Well, and Sanskrit. It’s just so easy to speak. And no one anywhere teaches yoga without speaking Sanskrit.
ONE ALABAMA REP TRIED TO END THE YOGA BAN, BUT CHRISTIANS FEAR HEALTHY KIDS, AND HINDUISM
But just this past month, Jeremy Gray, an Alabama State Representative, tried to get a bill thru that would lift the ban on yoga in schools. You know, give our kids the option to be healthier? Learn more about how they sit in their skin? But no, no no. Hinduism. But there’s more, of course. The text of the ban reads, “school personnel shall be prohibited from using any techniques that involve the induction of hypnotic states, guided imagery, meditation or yoga.” But they also banned the use of the word “namaste!” Um, what? How about, fake news as a salutation?
ALABAMA’S LONG AND WHITE PROUD HISTORY OF CHRISTIAN FEAR STILL INCLUDES HINDUISM
Christian groups think that yoga promotes Hinduism. Full stop. And the thing about using imagery? These Christians hate that. Especially as it sounds really subversive when you say that we shouldn’t encourage kids to use guided imagery without their parents. You know, because that’s a spiritual exercise? I have some pretty annoyed opinions about Alabama. Tuskegee medical torture of African Americans, lynchings. You know, imagery I don’t want a guide for? Well, I have a special salute for the special idiots in Alabama government. While not a formal yoga pose, it only requires one finger.