Air sex is gross
If you want to practice safe sex, but don’t want to get emotionally entangled with another human being (fear not: this article is not leading where some of our more depraved readers might suspect), why not let your inhibitions go, and simply “do” the air?
Confused? Let me explain. Think of every nasty, kinky or acrobatic sex act you’d like to engage in and then act those fantasies out by getting it on with the atmosphere we breathe. Don’t worry. You won’t be alone. In fact, there’s a whole tribe of air fornicators out there doing their best to foul the air we breathe in a mostly non-carbon-emitting way. (Hey, they still have to drive to the venue.)
Prepare yourselves for the world of air sex.
No joke. This is a real thing. You’ve heard of air guitar, right? This is kind of like that, but instead of miming the act of playing a musical instrument, people make love to, bang, stroke and do wrong-minded things in public to absolutely nothing at all. As the official Air Sex World website states, this traveling comedy show “brings people together in a respectfully dirty, unpredictably ridiculous” way, while still managing to create “a serious competition to see who can fake-f*ck nobody better than anybody else” at the same time.
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Sound like fun? Unsafe sex with these folks is only an issue in smog-filled cities, or perhaps — in a very unlikely event — when a contestant chooses to gyrate his or her stuff in the midst of a swarm of angry wasps. Other than that, the only contagion you’ll walk away with is an infectious sense of pride at your incredible ability to mime your best sexual techniques in front of a boisterous, photo-snapping crowd — or your complete failure to get a rise out the masses with your signature moves.
With improv comedian Chris Trew manning the helm of this traveling “love” fest, fun for … well, not for the whole family, or course, but for an awful lot of consenting (we hope) adults is bound to take place wherever this traveling sex show happens to land.
And, right now, if you’re wondering how you can get in on the action, take heart. Air Sex takes bookings. If you and your friends can pull it off (sounds inappropriate already), you can set up a show in your hometown and get your dirty air licking on. For those of you who think that sounds like too much work because maybe the bump and grind isn’t for you, you can still live vicariously through the titillating air antics of others by checking out the documentary “Air Sex: The Movie.” And maybe later, after you’ve gotten your second wind, we just might find you brushing up on your own routine at home.
