For those of us who live in the great Northeast, 2015 has been a living hell so far. Like, say, if hell actually did freeze over because many regions on the Eastern Seaboard not only experienced record-low temperatures, but also snowstorms and other less-than-wonderful wintery mixes that seemed never-ending, amiright, Boston?
But, alas, the end is neigh! Fuck you, February, your time is up, and March is upon us! I never thought you’d get here, so here are nine reasons I’m extra-happy to flip my “Hangin’ with Sloths” calendar over at last.
1. Shamrock Shakes from McDonald’s
I don’t want it all fancied up with whipped cream and a cherry, I just want to mainline a Shamrock Shake in its minty deliciousness original form as much as I can until the treat disappears for another year. But if you did want to bring back these Uncle O’Grimacey cups, well, Mickey Dee’s, we’ve got some things to talk about.
2. St. Patrick’s Day
It goes hand in hand with Shamrock Shakes, so obvs St. Pat’s Day has to be No. 2 because, hello, everyone’s Irish on March 17, even a nice Italian girl like myself. I’m a native of Northeastern Pennsylvania, and St. Patrick’s Day is a really big deal in the region, mainly because its largest city, Scranton, has one of the country’s biggest like, Top 5 Parade Days (yes, both words must be capitalized).
Usually held the weekend before the 17th, the parade doesn’t just celebrate the heritage of NEPA’s Irish population, it also kinda sorta promotes day drinking that starts promptly at 7 a.m., if not sooner in some circles, like the ones I ran around in. If you haven’t done an Irish jig on a rooftop to the tune of your own personal bagpiper after starting your day with shots of Jameson and several Stegmaier beers and homemade breakfast sandwiches, well, you just haven’t lived, friendo.
Thousands flock to Austin, Texas, to attend this much-anticipated taste-making music, film and interactive nine-day festival. This year’s South by Southwest takes place March 13-22, and TheBlot Magazine’s own Jason Gross and Robin Cook will be reporting live from the event, so keep your eyes and especially your ears peeled for our coverage in the coming weeks.
4. Crazy food holidays
March is chockablock with food holidays. Here’s a lil sampler: Peanut Butter Lovers’ Day (today, March 1), National Frozen Food Day (5), National Crown Roast of Pork Day (7), National Chip and Dip Day (23), Waffle Day (25) and my personal favorite: National Clam on the Half Shell Day (31).
Daffodils are the birth flower of the third month of the year, and how can you not feel better once these little beauties start popping up all over the place? They’re just so happy and hopeful, just what we need when January and February were as atrocious as they were this year.
6. Brackets everything
Thanks to the annual NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship, aka March Madness, everyone seems to go a bit bracket crazy with their own elimination contests, and it’s fun to see who wins. Especially the contests that have absolutely nothing to do with basketball, IMHO.
7. The Ides of March
Since I learned about the historical significance of March 15 while studying William Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar” way back in 1991, I lie in wait the first 14 days of the month waiting to say, “Beware the Ides of March” in as creepy a voice as I can muster. For those who don’t get the reference, a soothsayer had a prophecy that Caesar would be harmed no later than the Ides of March, and sure as shit, the Roman ruler was assassinated by his peers on March 15. In case you’re interested, my favorite Caesar was played by Ciaran Hinds, above, on HBO’s “Rome.”
8. Women’s History Month
March is the designated time we honor the contributions of women in history and society. What can I say, the female of the species is pretty badass and underpaid.
9. Pi Day
I’m terrible at math, hence my career in words, but I think it’s cool that math geeks get March 14 all to themselves thanks to physicist Larry Shaw, above, who organized this day in 1988 in honor of the mathematical constant, whatever that is. Apparently, on March 14, 1988, Shaw and other staffers at the San Francisco Exploratorium marched around one of the building’s circular spaces and then ate fruit pie. I can tell from the picture Larry knew a thing or two about good pie.
Nikki M. Mascali is the editor of TheBlot Magazine.