ADAM RIPPON IS NOT ONLY THE BREAKOUT STAR OF THE 2018 OLYMPICS, HE IS FABULOUS AS HELL
Adam Rippon sat, six years ago, in an In-N-Out and watched his fellow skaters compete at the 2014 Winter Olympis in Sochi and thought about how he should have been there too. But it wasn’t his moment; his moment is now. He skates flawlessly and with a heart that is bigger than his mouth, which, as everyone on Twitter can attest, is pretty damn big. And that is just one of the reasons why we love him, oh, so much. Here are the five reason you also should fall in love with Adam Rippon:
HE TOLD MIKE PENCE, TO, ESSENTIALLY, GO FUCK HIMSELF
Adam Rippon, as I’m sure everyone knows now, is the FIRST openly gay athlete to compete in ANY Winter Olympics. Let that sink in a second. The VERY FIRST ONE. And Mike Pence wanted to hang out, chat, grab a drink, or sit alone in a room? I have no idea what Mike Pence does for fun, but Rippon wasn’t having any of it. Adam quickly turned down the offer due to the Vice President’s many past remarks and actions that have shown him to be a slovenly, homophobic ding dong. And, like a scorned lover, Pence returned, again and again, asking to meet. He was met with great Twitter comebacks all amounting to a resounding NO. Go Adam!!!
HE CALLS ALL OF THE INTERVIEWERS BY THEIR FIRST NAMES TO THEIR FACES
Every athlete knows what it feels like to be pulled aside, post-program, and asked a mass of shallow, emotionally incompetent questions. Adam, however, makes each of these potentially-mind-numbing experiences incredibly delightful. When asked, “How did you feel out there?” he responds with “I was nervous as hell, but I went out there and I was like ‘Adam, Andrea is watching and you got to do this for her. Because she’s wearing a statement necklace and you’re at the Olympics.’” And NBC’s Andrea Joyce LOVED IT.
EVERYONE CAN SEE HE IS, FOR REAL, AN EXCEPTIONAL SKATER
Back in the 90s figure skating had a classic scoring system. Everyone remembers shouting “6.0, 6.0!” It was seriously a big deal. Then in 2002, everything changed with the news judges were cheating at the Salt Lake Winter Olympics. Now there are point values for each trick, with jumps earning more points than artistry ever could. This made a lot of skating boring, technical, and repetitive. But not for Adam! His programs are fresh, his choreography is unique, and he takes the time to make each moment he is on the ice count. Watching him reminds me of watching Michelle Kwan and crying, back in the day.
HE HAS BETTR EYEBROWS THAN ANY OF US COULD EVER HOPE TO HAVE
I mean LOOK AT THEM THEY ARE PERFECT. Adam, PLEASE tell me where you go to get them threaded. There is NO WAY those babies are natural. And no way they are waxed either.
HE HAS COME UP WITH A NEW MEASURING SYSTEM: THE MERYL STREEP
In an interview post-short-program he was asked to comment on how he felt about everyone from Reese Witherspoon to Elmo had been Tweeting about him, and this was his response: “On the spectrum from Reese Witherspoon to Elmo, I’m like excited at about a Meryl Streep. Does that make sense?” It makes sense to me, Adam! And I am about five Meryl Streeps sure that I am totally in love with you.