3 Quick Ways to Shut Down a Woman

Give a voice to the voiceless!

3 Quick Ways to Shut Down a Woman


Need to shut that woman near you up? Well, I have the key right here, my friends! With just a few quick terms/phrases you can make that woman feel so shitty she will shut her mouth right that instant! I know how it goes. You’re just sitting there, minding your own business and thinking, man, I wish I could just sit here in silence. My own thoughts are pretty interesting today and I would love to not be bothered. Then a woman comes over and just starts blathering. AT you. And what are you supposed to do, you’re not a monster, you’re a good guy, right? So you can’t just tell her to buzz off, you can’t just leave, you can’t just yell at her to SHUT THE FUCK UP. This is quite the dilemma! I know! So we here at Helpful Industries have come up with a few terms/phrases that will get the job done. Quick and painless, we PROMISE. Shut down your woman in style.

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  1. You’re hovering – women NEVER want to hear this. It makes us feel like we are the worst version of our mother, whom we absolutely never wanted to turn into, but it seems to be happening anyway, and that is terrifying, and I don’t want to make anyone feel the way I used to feel when I got home from school and all I wanted was to eat a snack and watch T.V. Shut Down!
  2. Your tone is embarrassing me – this will shut down your woman QUICK. It is horrifying to embarrass your partner in front of other people ESPECIALLY when you really didn’t mean to. So even if your tone is actually fine, and you are just trying to speak and use your voice normally, this phrase will quickly turn your lady into a silent and obedient mouse. Yay!
  3. I feel suffocated – this is the fastest and easiest (!) way to shut down any sort of argument or conversation you might be having with your girlfriend. She knows it, and she knows it well, that there is no faster way to lose her man than to be suffocating (gives you the shivers, doesn’t it?). She will back the fuck off fast and let you literally do whatever you want for at least three days once you drop this bomb. She will strive to be the chilliest girl you’ve ever met, and voilà! you have the perfect partner.


So have fun throwing these fast balls at her! She won’t know what hit her! But it won’t be your fists, so she won’t be able to claim domestic abuse. Hoorray!

Give a voice to the voiceless!

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