10 New Year’s Resolutions We’ll Probably Break

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10 New Year's Resolutions We’ll Probably Break

Lose weight, save money, stop smoking, travel more and get our lazy carcasses off of the sofa …

New Year’s resolutions are easy to break

While we all mean well, New Year’s resolutions were made to be broken. The tiny (or not so tiny) masochists living inside of us just can’t resist taking on the promises of self-improvement that come with the clean slate a brand-new calendar year. With that thought in mind, let’s take a look at 10 popular resolutions that we just might make, and then break— plus few reasons why we might fall short of our lofty, if noble, goals.

 1. Lose Weight

Godspeed with this one. I really hope that if you want to shed the pounds, you can. Steer clear of miracle diets and amazing pills. Cook meals that aren’t processed, and turn off your bloody televisions. All those ads for yummy snack foods are the fatty little devils’ best helpers. Temptation, in a word, is a bitch.

 2. Stop Smoking

Actually, this one might be doable. It isn’t easy, but something seems to be working. The overall rates of Americans who smoke have been dropping for years. Just don’t hang out in Eastern Europe or Asia (especially if you’re a male), where smoking is endemic and practically mandatory.

 3. Exercise More

Don’t buy a bunch of machines or stretchy bands that you’re going to use once (if that), and then store in your garage or cellar for the next two decades. If you really want to get in shape, walk. Walk, walk and then walk some more. Every day. Don’t have a reason to walk? Get a dog. They really like going for walks and are unabashed about showing their appreciation.

4. Save Money

Since the mid-1980s, Americans have been saving less and less. With the middle class struggling to remain in the middle class, this isn’t much of a surprise. Stop buying crap you don’t need is one way to save more. (You don’t have to get a new iPhone every year, despite what Apple may tell you.) Selling all the crap you don’t use is another.

5. Travel

Do it. Don’t think about it or make excuses why it isn’t possible. First class, coach, economy, trains, buses or on a bicycle, travel near and travel far. You can do it. I believe in you.

 6. Drink Less

Ha! Right! Wait, no, I mean yes, drink less. It’s incredibly destructive, and it’s going against the trend of the nation that’s legalizing pot. Smoke more and drink less. Hold on — maybe that’s the wrong message, too. I’m not thinking very clearly here.

7. Volunteer

No joke. Volunteer and help out. I used to volunteer a lot, but travel and work … yeah, you know my excuses. I’m going to try and volunteer more this year. Think I just might see it through.

8. Get More Sleep

Folks who get less than eight hours of sleep a night are on the rise, everywhere. Never mind what that does to their health, think about the danger they’re putting the rest of us in. Nodding off behind the wheel. Getting our prescriptions wrong at the pharmacy. Constantly complaining about how much sleep they’re not getting.

 9. Reduce Stress

Know a great way reduce stress? Get more sleep, exercise more, quit smoking (for smokers, of course; if that’s not you, congratulations), lose a bit of weight and travel more. As long as you’re successful with some of the resolutions above, stress reduction should be a piece of cake — unless you’re on a New Year’s diet, then it should be a carrot or a celery stick.

 10. Spend More Time with Family

I’d like to see this happen more often — with absent digital devices. We’ve all seen families out to dinner, not talking, everyone playing on their tablets and smartphones ignoring the human beings right in front of them. Of course, it helps if the family members actually like one another. If not, well, enjoy those YouTube videos and instant messages.

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